6 Minute Sketch

As you may infer from the title, this sketch took roundabout 6 minutes. Just wanted to see if I could whip out something that fast. Dick jokes may be forwarded to chadknopf@hotmail.com. I'm pretty happy with it, maybe I'll try to do these more often, but I'm not sure I'll do as well trying to crank out ones of men as well as women because I'm just faster at women. Jokes regarding my poor sexual stamina may be forwarded to chadknopf@hotmail.com.

"In Russia, Movie Watches YOU!!"

I just noticed that a while back one of my best friends sent me a link to some hand crafted African movie posters. In very rural areas of Africa, Russia, South America and many other places in the world, some folks set up short run theaters, bringing movies to other folks who rarely get such a treat. Often, since promotional materials as we know them are not available, local craftsmen will design promotional materials for the films, often never having seen the film prior to having to design something for it. Interesting to say the least.

"So I say we just forget Obama's first year. It's like your first year in college- you waste a lot of time on crap that's unimportant, and you gain 15 pounds, and you have sex with a fat girl. Let's just forget the first year." - Bill Maher.

Not that I truly agree, but it's funny nonetheless. Sure, it hasn't been the year we hoped for, however I don't think we can go around placing a blanket of blame on the President yet. If there's anything we can learn from year one, it's that the American people sure can't make up their damn minds. Change... it reminds me of another great quote...

"But that's not why people watch TV. Clever things make people feel stupid and unexpected things make them feel scared." - Philip J. Fry

No, I'm Not Dead But I'm Still A Hack.

Saw an ad for Regina Spektor performing in Louisville, and this was the layout. I thought the image cool enough to doodle it during a big department meeting. Didn't much care about capturing her face specifically so I just generalized the features and tried to capture the striking nature of the image. It looks cool and all but it's still not an authentic original piece. Something to learn from I guess.

Leave Me Alone.

I believe we create most of our monsters. I can't fathom what I would be at age 50 had I come from a background of abuse, a childhood of near slavery to performance at the behest of my father, and exposed to superstardom and all the perks that come with it from my youngest days. And if that popularity never faded; if I couldn't walk through a grocery store without attracting the attention of thousands...What would any of us become without having a shred of normalcy by which to interpret and judge all else?

Maybe he was a criminal. Maybe he wasn't. I won't ever know for sure. But I do know he was a victim. And I know there was a time that me and a million other kids thought he was one of the coolest men alive. I listen to his 80's music or watch one of his old videos and those memories come flooding back. Hopefully, he'll find some kind of peace. RIP Michael Jackson 1958-2009.

Just Dicking Around

TV’s 25 greatest villains, according to TV Guide

Hmm. Enticing enough of an idea for a list since lists are all the rage nowadays. Oh wait, we're not in November/December 08 anymore...

25. Wilhelmina Slater, Ugly Betty (Vanessa Williams)
24. Eric Cartman, South Park
23. Angela Channing, Falcon Crest (Jane Wyman)
22. Newman, Seinfeld (Wayne Knight)
21. Dr. Gaius Baltar, Battlestar Galactica (James Callis)
20. Cigarette-Smoking Man, The X-Files (William B. Davis)
19. Boss Hogg, The Dukes of Hazzard (Sorrel Booke)
18. Nina Myers, 24 (Sarah Clarke)
17. Dr. Michael Mancini, Melrose Place (Thomas Calabro)
16. The One-Armed Man, The Fugitive (1963 TV series)
15. Star Trek villains: Borg, Klingons, Q, Kahn
14. Dr. Robert Romano, ER (Paul McCrane)
13. Arvin Sloan, Alias (Ron Rifkin)
12. Leland Palmer, Twin Peaks (Ray Wise)
11. Angelis, Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV series; David Boreanz)
10. The villains of the original Batman TV series (1966)
9. Theodore “T-Bag” Bagwell, Prison Break (Robert Knepper)
8. President Charles Logan, 24 (Gregory Itzin)
7. Benjamin Linus, Lost (Michael Emerson)
6. Sylar, Heroes (Zachary Quinto)
5. Montgomery Burns, The Simpsons
4. Amanda Woodward, Melrose Place (Heather Locklear)
3. Lex Luthor, Smallville (Michael Rosenbaum)
2. Alexis Carrington, Dynasty (Joan Collins)
1. J.R. Ewing, Dallas (Larry Hagman)

Now naturally I cannot attest to the merits of shows I haven't seen for any of the following reasons including but not limited to: being too young, not caring, not being gay, disliking television that obviously looks like it sucks, and also having a life away from television. I do have some thoughts though. I've seen Smallville. I caught the first few seasons on dvd before deciding that it was a hopeless waste, and while I can only imagine that the merit to Michael Rosenbaum's Lex Luthor is primarily that you get to see him as a man rather than just a super-villain, youthful, struggling to make good choices and falling prey to the increasing negativity that spawns around him, but the show is weak and that character fits right in with the atmosphere of weakness and has no place on this list. Especially when a venomous bastard like Marlo Stanfield from the final seasons of The Wire is left blowing in the wind. I could probably go on and on about who might be more deserving based on shows I've seen but then I'd be just as biased as the composers of this list, because there's a bunch of shows that I never watched listed here. Suffice it to say, I feel they probably aced the #1 spot with JR Ewing, though they faltered in the next step by not moving C. Montgomery Burns into a close second. For twenty years, Mr. Burns has been one of the only truly reliable Simpsons characters and it is because he has never changed and each episode that tried to evolve him would end with that evolution being little more than a flash in the pan as he reverted back to his natural form, a heartless old man with all the money in the world and whose only affection is seeing others slave beneath him. Way too many 'hot, trendy' shows on this list to really take it seriously. I mean Heroes? It's been on for like a total of two seasons worth of episodes and I've heard that everything after the first season is horrible. I'll defend Lost's Benjamin Linus as one of the greats, always ten steps ahead of everyone else, and even when you like him you're waiting for the other shoe to drop. But again I'm biased. And I outright love the Buffy show, and Angelus was certainly a villainous high point, but were he to make the list it would have been in the twenties rather than just barely outside the top ten. And Nina Myers from 24? Cut me a break, she was useful for the first season then a mere plot device afterwards. She seemed like something the producers felt obliged to continue including for the next two seasons, rather than occasionally giving her a break, then bringing her back allowing her to screw everyone again and then fade away until they just straight put her ass down the next time. Actually technically, that's exactly what they did do, but by setting each of 24's seasons apart from each other by months or years (they've been through at least five presidents at this point that I can think of off the top of my head) she was a victim of the timeframe not mattering much when the viewer is seeing each season consecutively one year to the next. Still, she was a plot device. My last thought is that if you include someone like Dr. Romano from ER, is that really a villain? I'll agree that Eric Cartman is a villain because every motive he has is based on hate or greed, but Romano wasn't a tool all the time. He was just another doc, albeit an overly harsh critic more concerned with the hospital bottomlines than the patients and a general creep, but he put in his time trying to cure what ailed people because he was still a human being and a doctor. If you open the door to a character like Romano being a villain rather than just a douche, you open the door to let your anti-heroes populate the list, and I guaran-damn-tee that Tony Soprano, Vic Mackey, Omar Little, and some of the other heroes of villainous enterprise would reset the upper echelons of the 'villains' list. And finally, anyone else think Boss Hogg should have pulled down a higher rank, and for nearly the same reasons as Mr. Burns?